Climbing up the stairs of the arena, I made a quick scan for an aisle seat. As I settled into the environment, my eyes darted abruptly from those around me chatting excitedly, to the JumboTron magnifying the ceremonial-setup below. So perfectly were the maroon chairs aligned and the podium centered. Just as my admiration for the display peaked, the orchestra cued the crowd to stand.
Side by side they marched. And although the sounds of their soles hitting the floor could not be heard over the murmurs of friends and family or the song of the instruments, the prideful rhythm of the marching graduates penetrated the noisy crowd with an energy that truly stirred emotions. The energy was a magnificent reminder of the incredible achievements accomplished during the course of a college career; but not so much the academic learning as the human gestures and interactions along the way.
After they called her name, I dismissed myself from my seat. And, within just a few steps outside of the engagement within the circular barrier of commencement, the inspiration disappeared. Casual discussion was being had, laughter was echoed throughout the empty arena refreshment stands, and parents were reluctantly entertaining unruly children darting in and out of the entryway doors. As I joined those in routine movement, making my way back to paid productivity, my mind tried desperately to hold on to the empowerment.
Instead, however, it filled with amusement. Amusement for the happiness experienced by those earning degrees and the hopefulness that accompanies the joy. As I was walking, I could not help but think of their tomorrows and the unexpected disappointments in those future journeys. While I am not sure if this was a result of my own experiences post-graduation, discussions I have had with others, or the truth of the infamous real world, the reality of my reaction made me smile. An expression that transported me into the shoes of those graduates and their families, perhaps out of a longing for the innocence of that day and those preceding it, wishing I could encourage them to freeze-frame the moment…or, at the very least, savor the experience.
I could not be more appreciative of the lessons learned during those first few years of “real” employment. For in those moments of struggle, questioning, and disappointment I discovered my true self and her idea of success. A success that looks much different than the one defined prior to degreed status. But there is a certain beauty about that first look at the professional world as a traditional college graduate; a beauty that, if remembered, can positively redefine the means of self-discovery for those just starting their path.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Invitation
Almost like unwrapping a Christmas present, I admired the presentation, but was eager to get to the content. The file folder contained so much information; too much material for a quick scan. On top of all the paperwork, however, was a letter. Closed with a hand-written signature from my Placement Officer, and a personal note of congratulations, I was welcomed to Peace Corps South Africa.
Overwhelmed with curiosity, I plunged into the rest of the material for more details. And as I read my upcoming responsibilities, should I accept, I could not help but feel honored. Honored to have been chosen out of so many qualified applicants to assist with, and be a part of, an incredible learning process. My duties as a Resource Specialist for the Schools and Community Resource Project will allow me to not only instruct learners directly, but to guide and mentor those already dedicated to the cause. To serve in this capacity, finding creative ways to bring out the best in those already serving, with little to no resources, is an unbelievable opportunity for which I am truly grateful.
In addition to working inside the classroom environment, I have been charged with bridging the gap between the schools and their communities, as well as assisting out-of-school youth with life-skills development. These duties are bound to be as equally challenging as the assignments mentioned above, but I am just as equally excited about contributing as needed.
South Africa’s history is rich with hatred and segregation; there is much healing that needs to be done. Yet this task is not something that can be forced, only supported. And even in that support, there is likely to be resistance…on many levels. With that understanding, I cannot learn enough. Even though I read and read, I am not sure I could ever possibly “know” as an outsider. But, maybe, a lot of respect, patience, and a sincere effort to “know” and understand will be enough to make a positive impact where welcomed.
When I made the phone call to accept my invitation, and was then informed of my official placement in the program, I hung up the telephone engulfed in a bubble of gratitude. I truly do believe this is a life-changing experience; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am thankful to the Peace Corps for giving me a chance to serve. I am grateful to the citizens of the United States for providing the means for this program to exist. And I am thankful to the countries around the world who have invited the Peace Corps onto their soil.
While I cannot possibly predict the journey I will begin on July 21, I hope to execute it with intelligence, class, and professionalism. So that regardless of hardships and disappointments, I will make the people of the United States proud to call me their own. This same hope extends, also, to the people for which I will be serving. Their stories, I believe, are just as important as our own, if not more so, and deserve to be shared and appreciated….for, if nothing else, a better understanding in the mission of world peace and friendship.
Overwhelmed with curiosity, I plunged into the rest of the material for more details. And as I read my upcoming responsibilities, should I accept, I could not help but feel honored. Honored to have been chosen out of so many qualified applicants to assist with, and be a part of, an incredible learning process. My duties as a Resource Specialist for the Schools and Community Resource Project will allow me to not only instruct learners directly, but to guide and mentor those already dedicated to the cause. To serve in this capacity, finding creative ways to bring out the best in those already serving, with little to no resources, is an unbelievable opportunity for which I am truly grateful.
In addition to working inside the classroom environment, I have been charged with bridging the gap between the schools and their communities, as well as assisting out-of-school youth with life-skills development. These duties are bound to be as equally challenging as the assignments mentioned above, but I am just as equally excited about contributing as needed.
South Africa’s history is rich with hatred and segregation; there is much healing that needs to be done. Yet this task is not something that can be forced, only supported. And even in that support, there is likely to be resistance…on many levels. With that understanding, I cannot learn enough. Even though I read and read, I am not sure I could ever possibly “know” as an outsider. But, maybe, a lot of respect, patience, and a sincere effort to “know” and understand will be enough to make a positive impact where welcomed.
When I made the phone call to accept my invitation, and was then informed of my official placement in the program, I hung up the telephone engulfed in a bubble of gratitude. I truly do believe this is a life-changing experience; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am thankful to the Peace Corps for giving me a chance to serve. I am grateful to the citizens of the United States for providing the means for this program to exist. And I am thankful to the countries around the world who have invited the Peace Corps onto their soil.
While I cannot possibly predict the journey I will begin on July 21, I hope to execute it with intelligence, class, and professionalism. So that regardless of hardships and disappointments, I will make the people of the United States proud to call me their own. This same hope extends, also, to the people for which I will be serving. Their stories, I believe, are just as important as our own, if not more so, and deserve to be shared and appreciated….for, if nothing else, a better understanding in the mission of world peace and friendship.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Halfway There
Do I wear it? Do I not? As the car headed towards the start line, I knew I needed to make a decision soon. Although the raindrops splashed steadily on the windshield, I looked up at the sky with hopes of seeing blue in the distance. My expert meteorology skills---also known as, a blanket of grey equals storm---revealed otherwise. So when the car came to a complete stop, I grabbed my baseball cap and headed straight for the start-line porta-potties.
Less than ten days prior, I purposely reviewed the weather forecast before signing up for the half-marathon. Late registration comes with a lovely appreciation gift disguised as a more expensive entry fee, so I was trying to justify the expense with blue skies and sunshine. And much to my delight, the content of the forecast revealed just that. With the memories of Hurricane Ike aftermath still fresh in my memory bank, I was looking forward to a different race-day experience. But, alas, Rachelle + race = rain.
Normally, when listening to the national anthem, I clasp my hands together in front of my body and hold a more formal, upright position facing in the appropriate direction. But this morning, as the voice saluting our great nation echoed down the corral of thousands…and the fog lifted just enough from the St. Louis Arch to reveal its monumental status…and the words of Woodrow Wilson etched so perfectly on the exterior of a building energized my civic pride, I rose my hand to my heart and welled up with emotion. For in that moment, I felt so fortunate to be able to celebrate the awesomeness of human will in the heart of my hometown…in the spirit of greatness; for each participant has a story.
Leading up to the race, I had done very little training. In fact, upon registration, I had actually not planned on running. My intention on this day was to “wun”; a word I like to think I invented to mean walk, sometimes run….or to run in a way that looks like walking to others, but very much feels like running to the participant. But when those around me started moving their Asics to the rhythm of achievement, I could not help but absorb the influence.
The snail’s pace I so much enjoy allowed me to admire and appreciate the known landmarks of our Gateway to the West. The route took us past the Cardinals stadium, the Anheuser-Busch brewery---which was surrounded by a wonderful beer stench I happily acknowledged out loud…probably not to the amusement I had assumed of those around me---a Clydesdale horse taking shelter from the rain under a restrictive canopy, the Soulard Farmer’s Market, and other beautifully designed buildings. At this point, each step I took---much to my surprise---was effortless.
Somewhere between mile seven and eight, my attention started moving from the admiration of my surroundings to the agitating pain in my right knee. Gone for so long, but never forgotten, the pain I had experienced before wanted to make a comeback. Trying to ignore it only made it worse. Then came the battle of reason: “Rachelle, stop trying to run; you were not even planning on running in the first place!”…”Rachelle, you’ve come this far…you were not even planning on running…you can finish it out.”….”Damn you, knee; I was doing well, and thoroughly enjoying myself!”
After several walk breaks to ease the pain, an experiment with apple-cinnamon Goo, and a hilarious encounter with a highly motivating runner, the last mile marker made itself visible. I threw back the water handed to me at the last hydration station, embraced the pain, and vowed not to stop again until I reached the finish line. Their words were so positive; so confident. “You’re almost there! Just after the hill, you’re done!” Wrong. As I reached the top of the hill, I found my desire to see the stopping point increase with each step. Doing some major motivating self-talk, I continued to shuffle my hobbling-self past the energized, wet, crowd. As the finish-line came into view, all I wanted to do was reach it…and pass a few people on the way. With carabiner in hand (yes…I ran with the carabiner that holds my keys because I “train” holding my keys; not porta-potty friendly) and a smile on my face, I reached the end with strength. And, just like that, I completed my first hurricane-free half-marathon.
Less than ten days prior, I purposely reviewed the weather forecast before signing up for the half-marathon. Late registration comes with a lovely appreciation gift disguised as a more expensive entry fee, so I was trying to justify the expense with blue skies and sunshine. And much to my delight, the content of the forecast revealed just that. With the memories of Hurricane Ike aftermath still fresh in my memory bank, I was looking forward to a different race-day experience. But, alas, Rachelle + race = rain.
Normally, when listening to the national anthem, I clasp my hands together in front of my body and hold a more formal, upright position facing in the appropriate direction. But this morning, as the voice saluting our great nation echoed down the corral of thousands…and the fog lifted just enough from the St. Louis Arch to reveal its monumental status…and the words of Woodrow Wilson etched so perfectly on the exterior of a building energized my civic pride, I rose my hand to my heart and welled up with emotion. For in that moment, I felt so fortunate to be able to celebrate the awesomeness of human will in the heart of my hometown…in the spirit of greatness; for each participant has a story.
Leading up to the race, I had done very little training. In fact, upon registration, I had actually not planned on running. My intention on this day was to “wun”; a word I like to think I invented to mean walk, sometimes run….or to run in a way that looks like walking to others, but very much feels like running to the participant. But when those around me started moving their Asics to the rhythm of achievement, I could not help but absorb the influence.
The snail’s pace I so much enjoy allowed me to admire and appreciate the known landmarks of our Gateway to the West. The route took us past the Cardinals stadium, the Anheuser-Busch brewery---which was surrounded by a wonderful beer stench I happily acknowledged out loud…probably not to the amusement I had assumed of those around me---a Clydesdale horse taking shelter from the rain under a restrictive canopy, the Soulard Farmer’s Market, and other beautifully designed buildings. At this point, each step I took---much to my surprise---was effortless.
Somewhere between mile seven and eight, my attention started moving from the admiration of my surroundings to the agitating pain in my right knee. Gone for so long, but never forgotten, the pain I had experienced before wanted to make a comeback. Trying to ignore it only made it worse. Then came the battle of reason: “Rachelle, stop trying to run; you were not even planning on running in the first place!”…”Rachelle, you’ve come this far…you were not even planning on running…you can finish it out.”….”Damn you, knee; I was doing well, and thoroughly enjoying myself!”
After several walk breaks to ease the pain, an experiment with apple-cinnamon Goo, and a hilarious encounter with a highly motivating runner, the last mile marker made itself visible. I threw back the water handed to me at the last hydration station, embraced the pain, and vowed not to stop again until I reached the finish line. Their words were so positive; so confident. “You’re almost there! Just after the hill, you’re done!” Wrong. As I reached the top of the hill, I found my desire to see the stopping point increase with each step. Doing some major motivating self-talk, I continued to shuffle my hobbling-self past the energized, wet, crowd. As the finish-line came into view, all I wanted to do was reach it…and pass a few people on the way. With carabiner in hand (yes…I ran with the carabiner that holds my keys because I “train” holding my keys; not porta-potty friendly) and a smile on my face, I reached the end with strength. And, just like that, I completed my first hurricane-free half-marathon.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Exhale
When I refreshed my email, my eyes casually glanced at the new text in bold. Peace Corps: Application Status Update. I leaned in closer to the screen as the words, “Oh my God,” slipped quietly from my lips. After double-clicking on the new arrival, the email then linked me to My (Peace Corps) Toolkit where the update would be revealed.
The second my eyes caught glimpse of the word, “Congratulations,” I let out a squeal of joy. And, as quick as I expressed my relief verbally, I was up out of my chair to share the moment. Before my hilarious attempt at a mediocre toe-touch, which must have been stored somewhere in the high-school memory bank as an accurate reaction in celebration, I hugged a couple co-workers with delight.
My level of excitement surprised me a bit. As I felt my heart beating through my chest, I knew I had actually become concerned that this opportunity I had been working towards for a year may not become a reality. Having already said goodbye to one of the student organizations for which I served, and preparing to end my affiliation with another later that evening, the news could not have come at a better time. I was starting to wonder if I would possibly regret leaving my students.
Almost as sudden as I had abandoned my computer and seated position, I moved back towards the screen. Did I read that right? Doubt grabbed a hold of me for just a moment as I re-read the statement, “Congratulations! You have been invited to become a Peace Corps Volunteer.” Lost in relief, I reached for my cellular phone and made the only phone call I would make. Even at eight in the morning, my parents shared my excitement.
That moment of knowing, it seems, was all I needed. With my employer preparing to hire for my position, and my students beginning to seek guidance elsewhere, I was eager to make strides forward in my journey. The location, assignment, and departure details for my Peace Corps service have yet to be revealed. However, I find that I am content with whatever those may be. And while those are soon to be exposed, I also find that I am still enjoying the present….instead of focusing on tomorrow…because there is so much beauty in today. I honestly don’t want to miss a minute of it.
The second my eyes caught glimpse of the word, “Congratulations,” I let out a squeal of joy. And, as quick as I expressed my relief verbally, I was up out of my chair to share the moment. Before my hilarious attempt at a mediocre toe-touch, which must have been stored somewhere in the high-school memory bank as an accurate reaction in celebration, I hugged a couple co-workers with delight.
My level of excitement surprised me a bit. As I felt my heart beating through my chest, I knew I had actually become concerned that this opportunity I had been working towards for a year may not become a reality. Having already said goodbye to one of the student organizations for which I served, and preparing to end my affiliation with another later that evening, the news could not have come at a better time. I was starting to wonder if I would possibly regret leaving my students.
Almost as sudden as I had abandoned my computer and seated position, I moved back towards the screen. Did I read that right? Doubt grabbed a hold of me for just a moment as I re-read the statement, “Congratulations! You have been invited to become a Peace Corps Volunteer.” Lost in relief, I reached for my cellular phone and made the only phone call I would make. Even at eight in the morning, my parents shared my excitement.
That moment of knowing, it seems, was all I needed. With my employer preparing to hire for my position, and my students beginning to seek guidance elsewhere, I was eager to make strides forward in my journey. The location, assignment, and departure details for my Peace Corps service have yet to be revealed. However, I find that I am content with whatever those may be. And while those are soon to be exposed, I also find that I am still enjoying the present….instead of focusing on tomorrow…because there is so much beauty in today. I honestly don’t want to miss a minute of it.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Road Warrior
I stared at the radar map, hoping to see nothing. Instead, I found myself referencing the snow accumulation key, trying to convince myself that a few inches wouldn’t be enough of a concern to cancel the spontaneous adventure. The blizzard warnings, however, made enough of an impact to postpone departure twenty-four hours. By then, surely, the roads would be ready for Rachelle.
Twenty-four hours came and went, and I was on my way to New Mexico. Weather.com informed me that I might face a “wintery mix” between Tulsa and Oklahoma City, but that prediction seemed harmless compared to the previous day’s blizzard. In addition, blue skies and sunshine were forecasted for Texas. So, naturally, I envisioned windows down and sunglasses by late afternoon.
Lost in a sea of white, my windshield wipers were beginning to cease their full range of motion due to the accumulation of precipitation on the windshield itself. Following closely behind a large semi-truck, taking advantage of its snow-cleared tracks, I rolled down the window with hopes of removing some of the packed “wintery mix” from my front shield of glass. As chunks of slush poured into my car and onto my lap, I laughed at my failure to predict this action. Going twenty miles an hour, all I could do was hope that the truck in front of me didn’t exit off the highway before the roads started clearing.
At the last toll booth in Oklahoma, the snow had already begun to clear. This booth was one of two not manned on the main route headed west, and required the same dollar as before. I retrieved four quarters out of my quarter holder specifically created for the state of Oklahoma, also known as a film canister, and threw them in the plastic receptor. And, I waited patiently for the red light to turn green, giving me clearance to continue forward. No green light. Immediately, the following went through my head: I paid, I don’t want to pay again…I need those quarters for the return trip, maybe the machine is broken, I’m not trying to scam the system, I hate Oklahoma’s toll roads, I just want out of this state, no one’s around, I’m going. Then the alarm sounded. Three feet out of the gate and I put on the brakes. I looked up, to the right, to the left, and actually waited for the armed troopers I thought might be hiding somewhere to come arrest me. The words, “But I paid…really!” were already starting to form from my lips. When I realized no one was coming, and I decided that a ticket was likely in the mail, I proceeded on to Texas with some laughter and some ease.
When I opened the car door with camera and ink pen in hand, I had no idea that the next few minutes would find me hopping from dry patch to dry patch throughout the mud field hosting ten Cadillacs buried in the ground. Earlier in the year, during my first road trip out west, I had made a special stop at this very place in Amarillo—the Cadillac Graveyard—to leave my mark as expected. Hoping to find my name still visible on the graffiti-covered vehicles, I instead found mud covered shoes and unreachable cars due to the melting snow from the blizzard the day before. This, coupled with the random television reporter who decided to join me once I was headed towards the cars, hastened my abandonment of the quest and my desire to reach my pit-stop for the night.
As I pulled into the driveway in Clovis, New Mexico, I couldn’t help but admire the moment. For this was the driveway of the stranger I had met during my last journey out west. Since then, we have become friends, and I can’t help but treasure the beauty of the situation. Doors really are always opening around us; sometimes, it seems, we are just blind to the opportunities.
The next few days produced beautiful scenery in two National Parks, and interest in uncovering governmental secrecy of extraterrestrial findings. Carlsbad Caverns left me wanting more with sold-out cave tours and grounded bad flights, but gave me an incredible experience nonetheless. And, despite the eighty-mile-an-hour winds that forced me to stack rocks on the corners of my tent—tricked my mind into imagining creepy experiences outside my tent—and prevented me from summiting the highest point in Texas, Guadalupe Mountains National Park gave me memorable conversations with strangers and rangers, hikes, and a visitor center to charge my cellular phone. Roswell, too, rose to the occasion with alien art, twinkly lights and enough UFO paraphernalia to summon even the most stubborn spacecraft.
But the true beauty of this trip wasn’t found underground, in the mountains, or in the weather balloon myths. It was found on the journey home. As I crossed into the state of Missouri from the land of tolls, I melted into a sincere appreciation for my surroundings. Hills and color never looked so inviting; trees conjured up a joy so intense I surprised myself. Even the Bible verse billboards, staggered with Adult Video store advertisements, made me happy. And when I drove onto the college campus that night for my student organization meeting, I found myself wanting to pause in the happiness…the happiness I have right in front of me…in Missouri…working for a college…working with young minds full of hope and passion. While I think most of this reaction was a result of my future departure and all the emotions associated with it, it definitely triggered an awareness I hope to embrace these next few months.
Twenty-four hours came and went, and I was on my way to New Mexico. Weather.com informed me that I might face a “wintery mix” between Tulsa and Oklahoma City, but that prediction seemed harmless compared to the previous day’s blizzard. In addition, blue skies and sunshine were forecasted for Texas. So, naturally, I envisioned windows down and sunglasses by late afternoon.
Lost in a sea of white, my windshield wipers were beginning to cease their full range of motion due to the accumulation of precipitation on the windshield itself. Following closely behind a large semi-truck, taking advantage of its snow-cleared tracks, I rolled down the window with hopes of removing some of the packed “wintery mix” from my front shield of glass. As chunks of slush poured into my car and onto my lap, I laughed at my failure to predict this action. Going twenty miles an hour, all I could do was hope that the truck in front of me didn’t exit off the highway before the roads started clearing.
At the last toll booth in Oklahoma, the snow had already begun to clear. This booth was one of two not manned on the main route headed west, and required the same dollar as before. I retrieved four quarters out of my quarter holder specifically created for the state of Oklahoma, also known as a film canister, and threw them in the plastic receptor. And, I waited patiently for the red light to turn green, giving me clearance to continue forward. No green light. Immediately, the following went through my head: I paid, I don’t want to pay again…I need those quarters for the return trip, maybe the machine is broken, I’m not trying to scam the system, I hate Oklahoma’s toll roads, I just want out of this state, no one’s around, I’m going. Then the alarm sounded. Three feet out of the gate and I put on the brakes. I looked up, to the right, to the left, and actually waited for the armed troopers I thought might be hiding somewhere to come arrest me. The words, “But I paid…really!” were already starting to form from my lips. When I realized no one was coming, and I decided that a ticket was likely in the mail, I proceeded on to Texas with some laughter and some ease.
When I opened the car door with camera and ink pen in hand, I had no idea that the next few minutes would find me hopping from dry patch to dry patch throughout the mud field hosting ten Cadillacs buried in the ground. Earlier in the year, during my first road trip out west, I had made a special stop at this very place in Amarillo—the Cadillac Graveyard—to leave my mark as expected. Hoping to find my name still visible on the graffiti-covered vehicles, I instead found mud covered shoes and unreachable cars due to the melting snow from the blizzard the day before. This, coupled with the random television reporter who decided to join me once I was headed towards the cars, hastened my abandonment of the quest and my desire to reach my pit-stop for the night.
As I pulled into the driveway in Clovis, New Mexico, I couldn’t help but admire the moment. For this was the driveway of the stranger I had met during my last journey out west. Since then, we have become friends, and I can’t help but treasure the beauty of the situation. Doors really are always opening around us; sometimes, it seems, we are just blind to the opportunities.
The next few days produced beautiful scenery in two National Parks, and interest in uncovering governmental secrecy of extraterrestrial findings. Carlsbad Caverns left me wanting more with sold-out cave tours and grounded bad flights, but gave me an incredible experience nonetheless. And, despite the eighty-mile-an-hour winds that forced me to stack rocks on the corners of my tent—tricked my mind into imagining creepy experiences outside my tent—and prevented me from summiting the highest point in Texas, Guadalupe Mountains National Park gave me memorable conversations with strangers and rangers, hikes, and a visitor center to charge my cellular phone. Roswell, too, rose to the occasion with alien art, twinkly lights and enough UFO paraphernalia to summon even the most stubborn spacecraft.
But the true beauty of this trip wasn’t found underground, in the mountains, or in the weather balloon myths. It was found on the journey home. As I crossed into the state of Missouri from the land of tolls, I melted into a sincere appreciation for my surroundings. Hills and color never looked so inviting; trees conjured up a joy so intense I surprised myself. Even the Bible verse billboards, staggered with Adult Video store advertisements, made me happy. And when I drove onto the college campus that night for my student organization meeting, I found myself wanting to pause in the happiness…the happiness I have right in front of me…in Missouri…working for a college…working with young minds full of hope and passion. While I think most of this reaction was a result of my future departure and all the emotions associated with it, it definitely triggered an awareness I hope to embrace these next few months.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Waiting to Exhale
I clicked “Send” on the second email and, in the moments following, felt a sudden wave of emptiness. All of the reasons I was still in Springfield instantly vanished; I was on the outside looking in, longing to belong once again. And, just like that, I went from staff member to fan, advisor to friend…and, a few weeks prior, from employed to unemployed by July 31, 2009.
When I applied for the Peace Corps approximately a year ago, I had no idea what to expect, from the process or myself. In May 2008, after a two-hour phone interview, I was nominated to serve as a volunteer in Sub-Sahara Africa teaching secondary English for a program departing in April 2009. Although I would be vested in retirement by late January, April was the earliest I was willing to depart in an effort to fulfill my commitments to the students for which I was serving at the University. Although I knew I had several more obstacles to face before the nomination became a reality, I don’t think I knew quite how long the process could take.
One thing I did know, however, was that regardless of Peace Corps placement, I needed to leave Springfield before another academic year began. Not because I dislike Springfield—quite the contrary-- but because it’s time for me to move on, to be uncomfortable, to be challenged. I have been in Springfield since August of 1998. And, in going on eleven years, I have evolved from student to employee; from friend to wife to ex-wife; from fan to staff member; and from employee to advisor. Needless to say, it’s been quite the journey.
So, after receiving medical clearance, my hope was that I would be departing Springfield by April—July at the latest—and that I would know of my “plans” by the start of the New Year for adequate departure preparations, disclosure, and celebrations. The New Year came and went, as well as the six-week-advance-notice deadline Peace Corps is required to give for all invitations that would have been for an April departure. It was clear, at this point, that my initial “plan” would need some tweaking. The time had arrived, regardless of knowledge about my future, when disclosure of my intended departure was necessary. And so, I disclosed and resigned; giving up a lot of something for nothing, at this time.
I am currently a Priority Applicant for the Peace Corps. The volunteer organization, like many others, has faced recent financial hardships and an increase in competitive applicants. The program I was nominated for filled very early, with mostly health-degreed applicants focusing on the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Apparently, regardless of the global economic status, a postponed departure is a fairly common occurrence. My Placement Officer has recently informed me that she is considering me for programs in the July-September timeframe. Seeing as I will be unemployed in August, July would be nice.
It would not be accurate for me to state that I am confident this plan will become a reality. In fact, due to past experiences, I refuse to react to forecasted opportunities (aka: plans). Instead, I prefer to focus on what I am experiencing in the now. This approach seems to serve me better, affording me happiness regardless of outcome. Should the Peace Corps not work out, “Plan” B is just as exciting; “Plan” B = anything but the Peace Corps, something outside of Springfield, Missouri.
Am I worried that I quit my job in the worst economy since The Depression without another job in place? Absolutely. But am I excited that change is on the horizon? Without a doubt. For me, this decision symbolizes the beauty of freedom and the power of choice. And while I may be risking comfort, stability and security, never taking a chance on change would be worse than any discomfort, instability, or fear I will encounter. Whether my exhale is the Peace Corps or “Plan” B, I am looking forward to it.
When I applied for the Peace Corps approximately a year ago, I had no idea what to expect, from the process or myself. In May 2008, after a two-hour phone interview, I was nominated to serve as a volunteer in Sub-Sahara Africa teaching secondary English for a program departing in April 2009. Although I would be vested in retirement by late January, April was the earliest I was willing to depart in an effort to fulfill my commitments to the students for which I was serving at the University. Although I knew I had several more obstacles to face before the nomination became a reality, I don’t think I knew quite how long the process could take.
One thing I did know, however, was that regardless of Peace Corps placement, I needed to leave Springfield before another academic year began. Not because I dislike Springfield—quite the contrary-- but because it’s time for me to move on, to be uncomfortable, to be challenged. I have been in Springfield since August of 1998. And, in going on eleven years, I have evolved from student to employee; from friend to wife to ex-wife; from fan to staff member; and from employee to advisor. Needless to say, it’s been quite the journey.
So, after receiving medical clearance, my hope was that I would be departing Springfield by April—July at the latest—and that I would know of my “plans” by the start of the New Year for adequate departure preparations, disclosure, and celebrations. The New Year came and went, as well as the six-week-advance-notice deadline Peace Corps is required to give for all invitations that would have been for an April departure. It was clear, at this point, that my initial “plan” would need some tweaking. The time had arrived, regardless of knowledge about my future, when disclosure of my intended departure was necessary. And so, I disclosed and resigned; giving up a lot of something for nothing, at this time.
I am currently a Priority Applicant for the Peace Corps. The volunteer organization, like many others, has faced recent financial hardships and an increase in competitive applicants. The program I was nominated for filled very early, with mostly health-degreed applicants focusing on the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Apparently, regardless of the global economic status, a postponed departure is a fairly common occurrence. My Placement Officer has recently informed me that she is considering me for programs in the July-September timeframe. Seeing as I will be unemployed in August, July would be nice.
It would not be accurate for me to state that I am confident this plan will become a reality. In fact, due to past experiences, I refuse to react to forecasted opportunities (aka: plans). Instead, I prefer to focus on what I am experiencing in the now. This approach seems to serve me better, affording me happiness regardless of outcome. Should the Peace Corps not work out, “Plan” B is just as exciting; “Plan” B = anything but the Peace Corps, something outside of Springfield, Missouri.
Am I worried that I quit my job in the worst economy since The Depression without another job in place? Absolutely. But am I excited that change is on the horizon? Without a doubt. For me, this decision symbolizes the beauty of freedom and the power of choice. And while I may be risking comfort, stability and security, never taking a chance on change would be worse than any discomfort, instability, or fear I will encounter. Whether my exhale is the Peace Corps or “Plan” B, I am looking forward to it.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Religion and Politics
People are passionate about many things, but two things are certain: religion and politics. Folks know what they believe. And while some are willing to state their beliefs candidly, others tend to keep their thoughts to themselves. But why is that? Is it out of formality? Is it an attempt to avoid conflict? Or is it merely a public relations move to avoid irresponsible judgment that could possibly prevent relationship development, personally or professionally? Maybe just a fear of judgment itself?
There was a time in my life when I would publically state my beliefs. These statements, however, were not ones of pride, but of arrogance and ignorance. My beliefs were “right,” and I was confident of such. As a result, I was quick to lose not only my ability to see, but to hear as well. I was so focused on being “right” that I didn’t stop to question the reasons why, much less learn about others’ beliefs and the reasons for them. It was as if I had a product to sell, and was going to convince you to buy it…or at least admit it was the best one on the market.
Since then, my statements have turned into questions. Questions allow me to learn; to better understand beliefs, behaviors and actions. They also allow me to assess the situation with regard to my own disclosure and whether it will serve as a similar learning tool for another in a dialogue or just trigger a sales pitch and sermon. Unfortunately, I have heard more sermons from those with differing beliefs than I’ve had discussions. I truly believe that once we acknowledge the existence of multiple truths, greater solutions will evolve. The difficult part, however, is getting past the passion; the blinding truth.
So, in an age where self-disclosure is not limited to dialogue, is it wise to do so without explanation? Is the one-line Facebook entry regarding religion and politics a statement for judgment, true or false, or simply a means of truth? What liberal means to one, however, may not mean liberal to another. If someone claims Catholicism, is it an actual belief or one that is followed blindly from upbringing? To the person who claims it, I guess the answer shouldn’t matter.
When I first started my Facebook Profile, I left these two items blank. I thought that I was doing so to prevent false judgment from those I work with professionally; an allowance to judge me strictly on direct interactions. However, now I wonder if it was an action to avoid judgment in general, resulting in possible rejection? So I ask; is it smarter to avoid disclosure of beliefs that, for better or worse, tend to trigger a passionate response, positive or negative, when trying to create a level playing field for productivity and understanding? Or is it simply just a dismissal of self which ultimately leads to misunderstanding?
There was a time in my life when I would publically state my beliefs. These statements, however, were not ones of pride, but of arrogance and ignorance. My beliefs were “right,” and I was confident of such. As a result, I was quick to lose not only my ability to see, but to hear as well. I was so focused on being “right” that I didn’t stop to question the reasons why, much less learn about others’ beliefs and the reasons for them. It was as if I had a product to sell, and was going to convince you to buy it…or at least admit it was the best one on the market.
Since then, my statements have turned into questions. Questions allow me to learn; to better understand beliefs, behaviors and actions. They also allow me to assess the situation with regard to my own disclosure and whether it will serve as a similar learning tool for another in a dialogue or just trigger a sales pitch and sermon. Unfortunately, I have heard more sermons from those with differing beliefs than I’ve had discussions. I truly believe that once we acknowledge the existence of multiple truths, greater solutions will evolve. The difficult part, however, is getting past the passion; the blinding truth.
So, in an age where self-disclosure is not limited to dialogue, is it wise to do so without explanation? Is the one-line Facebook entry regarding religion and politics a statement for judgment, true or false, or simply a means of truth? What liberal means to one, however, may not mean liberal to another. If someone claims Catholicism, is it an actual belief or one that is followed blindly from upbringing? To the person who claims it, I guess the answer shouldn’t matter.
When I first started my Facebook Profile, I left these two items blank. I thought that I was doing so to prevent false judgment from those I work with professionally; an allowance to judge me strictly on direct interactions. However, now I wonder if it was an action to avoid judgment in general, resulting in possible rejection? So I ask; is it smarter to avoid disclosure of beliefs that, for better or worse, tend to trigger a passionate response, positive or negative, when trying to create a level playing field for productivity and understanding? Or is it simply just a dismissal of self which ultimately leads to misunderstanding?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
