Tight-Rolling on the River

It’s official. I’m bringing back the tight roll. A few of you might recall this fashion statement that reached peak popularity some time during the 1980s. For those of you not fortunate enough to have experienced this era of, what I hope and assume, drug-induced style that sent shock waves across the nation, I shall reminisce.

Big hair was a must. Stock in hairspray surely skyrocketed. This hair glue, it seemed, was the only acceptable product that would keep the section of hair around the face sticking out at least two inches from the base of the skull. Add a perm to the equation, and all was well with the world. Accessories were bright, plastic and circular in shape; hoop earrings, half a forearm of different colored bracelets, and that goofy shirt clip that a person could shove his or her oversized, maybe Hypercolor, tee-shirt through as opposed to the multiple attempts at tying it into a knot at the side of the hip. And let’s not forget the Slap Bracelet! Socks were many, at least two on each foot, and the pairs had to be two different colors. When scrunched correctly, this look screamed popularity. But the key to unlocking the magic of the outfit was the tightly rolled jeans.

It was an art. It sometimes took multiple attempts. To grab the bottom of the jeans and fold them over to the right or left at just the perfect amount so that the following three or four rolls upward would look “right”, and tight, was strategic. Luck didn’t have a chance with something this important. So important, and lethal to future generations, that it was filed under Top Secret in the fashion world, only to be released back into society in 2025. However, I’m here to fight for an early release. Not in the name of fashion, but in the name of necessity.

For the last two days, rain has blanketed the Ozarks area. When ground saturation reaches its maximum fill, the streets quickly become rivers and sidewalks turn into small creeks. So, when I exited my car two days ago to make the trek onto campus, the bottom of my pants looked worried. The pants knew they didn’t have a chance. My rain boots, the new acceptable pant-shield, just didn’t appeal to me in the way they have in the past. As if I already knew what I had to do, I opened up the driver-side door, propped my foot up on the seat and began tight-rolling.

Do I recommend this look for everyday wear, or even for the term wear? Absolutely not. But it does serve as a good example of how old ideas can be reworked to meet our present needs and future opportunities. Nothing, it seems, is lost forever.